Don't Hit Me There!
by Leonine One 252
Summary: Sophitia meets up with Rock in America and stupid things happen (oy, this summary sucks).


Rock is _so_ under appreciated. Sniff. No one likes Rock...NO ONE! Except maybe Jin Long but _noooooooo_, he had to remove Calibur Academy, my favorite fanfic of all time...so I decided to write a fic about Nathaniel William Adams, known to everyone as Rock. Disclaimer: I don't own anyone in Soul Calibur. But the way people feel about Rock I might as well own him anyway. That would be so cool. Heheh, I should own Rock! Oops, I did _not_ say that! You hear me? I did _not_ claim to own Rock. So all the lawyers in ninja suits hiding in the shadows can just go away! By the way, there is going to be some...good-natured character bashing, if you don't mind. Heheheh...

**Don't Hit Me There!**

Neither of them had any idea how it got to this. When she first ran into him on the New World she had commented, "Well, well. I must say that this is the first time I've ever mentally undressed a barbarian. Not that there is much need, of course." Rock blushed profusely at the inappropriate comment and whispered loudly, "Not in front of the kid, dammit!" This had started off a string of conversations, which, somehow, eventually ended up in an argument and then a fight. How this had happened, only God knows.

They have been fighting for half an hour now, and both were starting to get tired. "You are a formidable opponent. Tell me, what is your name?" asked Rock. "I am called Sophitia," came the blonde woman's answer. "Sophitia...why does that name sound so familiar?" pondered Rock, "Wait a sec. Sophitia? Sophitia Alexandra? The infamous 'Hit-Below-the-Belt-Girl'?" Sophitia immediately went red at this. "_I do NOT hit below the belt!!!_" yelled the Greek girl, now thoroughly enraged and embarrassed. "Oh yes you do. I have heard many things about you, _Sophitia_. I have seen many poor warriors with bruised egos, as well as...certain parts...sulk in the taverns of Europe! Why, Sophitia, why? What, do you just flash your enemies like you always do and then kick them in the sensitive areas!?" "I-I do _not_ flash my enemies! M-maybe I tend to do a _few_ back flips but that's just how I am! I'm just flexible!" stuttered a completely bewildered Sophitia. "Are you kidding me!? Who's the one with a bunch of perverted fanboys drooling over her, huh?" said Rock as he pointed at a twenty-first century earth. Sophitia was beyond infuriated now; she was incensed. "By Hephaestus, I will slaughter _anyone_ who insults me like this!" screamed the homicidal Sophitia. Hephaestus, resting his crippled legs in Olympia while eating Ambrosia, thought, "You leave me out of this, you evil, brutal woman..."

Meanwhile, back in America, Rock yelled, "For the sake of males everywhere, I will defeat this great evil, once and for all!" He lunged at her with the Apocalypse while she did the same with her weapons. Now, anyone with a quadrillionth of a picogram of sense would know that you can't use a tiny dagger-like sword and a tiny discus-like shield to defend against a giant, uber-heavy axe that only a big, uber-strong man can lift. But I guess that Sophitia's common sense was taking a vacation in the Etruscan ruins that day because _she_ obviously did not follow that logic. You can guess what happened next. Yes, Sophitia was defeated and badly injured. Fortunately Rock is a very good person and has a conscience so he showed mercy on her and tended to her wounds. "OW! That hurts! Can't you be just little more gentle!?" snapped Sophitia. "I _am_ gentle, you witch. Maybe now you know how _we_ feel," growled the 5'9", muscular man under his breath. Well, I didn't say that he wasn't reluctant in helping her.

Since Sophitia was injured and couldn't travel back to the East coast alone, let alone Europe, Rock offered to assist her in her travels, at least until she heals enough to take care of herself. By the time they get to the coast her wounds would be sufficiently healed, so he wouldn't have to go to Europe with her, thank God. He knew that Bangoo could take care of himself so he didn't worry, but he did leave Bangoo one of his better axes, just in case he needed it.

As they traveled, Rock and Sophitia talked of many things, including some 'warriors' who were seeking the giant eyebally sword, Soul Edge. Even though they had thought at the beginning of their journey that they would not be able to stand each other they actually got along relatively well and had lots of fun. "So what do you think of that pirate with the giant hair?" asked Sophitia eagerly. "What, you mean Elvis Maxi-Pads?" joked Rock. They laughed at the incredibly vain pirate's lame hairdo. "Okay, what about Nightmare?" asked Sophitia again.

"Char-broiled sausage-man."

"Ivy?"

"Dominatrix who should be working in a harem."

"Voldo?"

"Pervert who would be perfect for Ivy."

"Taki?"

"She should cover up."

"Li Long?"

"Um...Sophy? He's dead..."

"Uuh...oops. Heheh. What about Raphael?"

"Total psycho with a freaky face."

"Astaroth?"

"Me wanna-be"

"Lizard-Man?"

"Future helmet of choice."

"Xianghua, Seung Mina, and Yoshimitsu?"

"They're fine. They're awesome."

Yes, they were having lots of fun. Except for the ones that they liked, they had insulted practically every warrior after Soul Edge. Other than deriding other people, though, they had done many interesting things. For one thing, Sophitia found that she really liked Buffalo meat, especially the way Rock made it. She would never have guessed that the gruff muscle-bound man would be such a good cook. Rock also found out that the Greeks are not as tightly wound as he previously thought. After all, nude people on pottery, gods cheating on their goddess wives with mortal women, and heroes cheating on their wives with other heroes' wives definitely did not fit the definition of 'proper' by Victorian customs.

There were several mishaps, however. Like him accidentally walking in on her bathing in a river naked. She had screamed bloody murder and threw a giant hissy fit when she saw him accidentally catching a glimpse of her without her clothes on. Rock did not understand why she had thrown her shield, a rock, a log, a fish, several sparrows, and a poor beaver at him. He instantly turned away blushing a deep crimson red when he realized his mistake. Besides, he didn't really see anything. There probably wasn't even much to look at, anyway...

Oh, well. Sophitia had gotten her revenge anyway. She 'accidentally' walked in on _him_ bathing naked in a lake. It seems that she had less self-control than Rock, however, as she just stood there limply, ogling at him in all his glory, if you know what I mean. This made him extremely uncomfortable. "Um, Sophy? Could you please stop staring? Sophy? Helloooo. Are you hypnotized or something?" said Rock, rather awkwardly. Finally, Sophitia came to her senses and quickly whipped around in the other direction, blushing the color of Mars. Things were quite awkward for a while after that incident. Sophitia felt guilty because she was still married to Rothion. Being with Rock had almost made her forget that. Things quickly went back to normal, however, so they went back to having lots of fun again. Finally, after a few months of traveling they arrived at the East coast.

After bidding farewell to Sophitia and seeing her off in a ship bound for the Mediterranean, Rock returned to his home for a good lie-down.

"Thank God that's over with," he said.

**The End**

Woohoo! My first SC fic, finished. Uum...about the character-bashing thing...I didn't mean to offend anyone if I did. Eheheh... I'd appreciate it if you didn't flame me, but if you must, I can't stop you from doing so. Anyway, you've probably guessed by now that Rock is my favorite character in all of Soul Calibur. If you haven't...I'm going to go jump off a cliff into a pool of ice cream. Please review!


End file.
